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Past Ramblings #3

-------------Today's Anecdote/Quote/Joke------------
Don't judge a book by its movie.
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Ok, So I'vee been slacking off on the journnal thing. I've been trying to resolve my issues about working for dad and/or working for myself. I did finally settle that part of the problem is fear of failure. Regardless of that though, I still have to come to some decision and implement it soon so that I can pay for stuff. Darn. I should have worked this out sooner rather than later. Ah. same old story. I'm hoping to talk to Mr. Cain about this later today. Maybe that will help me come to some meaningful decision.

Re: Above quote. Read and watch The Bone Collector. Very cool stuff. The book is neater than the movie, but the movie does have Angelina Jolie (a major plus ;). On the whole though, its a very interesting story and its sufficiently weird creepy to keep you really interested. I read the book in about a day and a bit and it was pretty much can't put down book which is rare for me. I saw the movie last Friday and I read the book a few days before that.

After accidentally nuking one high score on Ms. Pac-Man (something around 145,000), I successfully passed that mark recently. My current high score is 174,120. Not too shabby, but still about 12,000 points lower than the high score I saw at Tinseltown last week. Considering that I have 2 more lives per game here than I would at Tinseltown, that is rather disturbing. My current coal is 200k. Maybe I'll play some in a second.

Well, things with Kathrin are pretty much officially dead and I have no desire to ressurect them. Here is an excerpt from our last ICQ conversation:

Dragon 11/9/99 4:48 PM You never gave me a chance to figure out if I wanted a relationship. School interrupted that process.

Cathy 11/9/99 4:49 PM oh,...hmmmm...yeah i see... so uh..hm.. don;t know what to say...lol i never thought you would like me THAT much you know. i knew you DID like me..but i never could imagine a big- serious realtionship-i don;'t know why... so uhm.. did you ever think about it..i mean...any conclusions?

Dragon 11/9/99 4:50 PM Why did you think that I wouldn't?

Cathy 11/9/99 4:51 PM i told you i dunno- maybe i thought i wasn't "qualified " enough....

Dragon 11/9/99 4:52 PM Not qualified enough??

Cathy 11/9/99 4:53 PM well bad word for it...but...uh...hmmm *thinking* when you talked about people back at MIT they sounded so...i dunno..more mature and smart and pretty and so on....and i thought that i couldn never "compete" with them

Dragon 11/9/99 4:54 PM when did this turn into a competition? you are not better OR worse than my friends at MIT. You're different.

Cathy 11/9/99 4:55 PM i know..it's not a competition..just....i don't know how to explain it -it just didn't feel mature enough to be in a relationship with someone as interesting as you are

Dragon 11/9/99 4:57 PM That isn't your decision to make though. If you dislike me then fine no problem, but if you did like me, then why make the decision about a relationship for me, and why make it negatively?

Cathy 11/9/99 5:00 PM well..i didn't make the dicision for you- i made it for me because i thought it just wouldn't work...i mean -you have to admit that you have a challenging character...(that's a compliment) and i didn't feel i could keep up with you intellectually..you know...it seemed sometimes like i could never goof off and just be stupid sometimes when i'm around you-not that i do that frequently..but it happens occasionally and i had a feeling i have to think about everything i say or do ALL the time

Cathy 11/9/99 5:00 PM does that make sense?

At this point, I was rather grumpy and left in a bit of a snit so we didn't really manage to continue the conversation after that. Its probably a good thing because I really dislike the way that this conversation made me feel. Even though I wasn't seriously considering a relationship with her, I would have still liked to go out some more and make sure that I was going to stay single. I guess that would have been somewhat evil and not nice of me. Also, no matter how much you aren't interested in someone having them decide not to pursue you sucks. I'm not sure if the excuse that "you're too interesting" is better than just being told no (or if I even believe it for that matter). Bleh.

I guess ultimately, if she feels like that about me, then I should accept that we just weren't going to be able to make anything out of this situation. Its unfortunate that she didn't realize that her statements and actions would make me not want to continue our relationship in any sense. I may be willing to deal with people who are intimidated by me, but I will NOT socialize with them and try to make them my friends. At some level there has to be some sense of equality. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable around me like Kathrin would seem to. I just want someone to hang out with.

I miss C and J. They were really fun people to hang out with.

More later

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