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Amusing but scary

<rant>
I don't agree with everything brought up in the following letter, but I must admit that I've gotten the feeling that Dubbya is more than just a little paranoid so that's why I'm posting it. While I don't think that Iraq is as helpless as they are currently making themselves out to be, I don't think that we need to turn the full force of the U.S. armed forces on them in order to squish Saddam. I'm not convinced that it's neccesarry either. However, I do find it interesting, how so many countries and leaders will talk shit about the U.S. (e.g. Castro, Saddam, etc...) and tell us just how bad ass they are right up until the moment when the U.S. decides to do something about them. I don't think our foreign policy has ever been very sane or practical, but I don't have much sympathy for countries that posture and make veiled (and not-so veiled) threats against us. I can't help but wonder about how stupid the people running them are.

Have they already forgotten how we (as a country) had very little problem going into Afghanistan and blowing shit up after 9/11? What do they think is likely to happen if anything else happens here? How many people do you think would have shown up for the New York or DC demonstrations on 9/12/01? I doubt that it would take half a dozen significant attacks before John & Jane Average were clamoring for Dubbya to do anything neccesary to protect them and their SUVs. Look, we have a president who has said that he won't let protesters dissuade him from his (insane) course of action. Do these people have any idea what he's capable of doing if the general public is clamoring for action? I wonder how quickly some european countries would change their tunes if a few of their monuments ended up as smoldering piles of rubble.

I'm very very very anti-war, but I can't help but look around and cringe. All sides are acting like complete and utter morons. We have Cowboy George on one hand, and a few psycotic fundamentalists on the other. Dubbya needs to back off and remember that he's not king of the world (yet) and these other countries and fundamentalist need to remember that we could leave their countries as smoldering piles of ash and the main thing stopping us is that the general public doesn't want that. As soon as you start killing average Joes on the street, that is likely to change very quickly. Forget about "can't we all just get along" right now I'd settle for "can't we all just stay very far away from each other?"

</rant>

Anyways, here's the humor.....



A letter to The Observer from Terry Jones of Monty Python

Letter to the Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.

Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.

I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr. Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.

Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. Theone certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?

How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of
What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street. I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

Wilson Mizner

Comments

They were apparently on Railroad around 5 PM yesterday, too....

I added you as a friend, by the way.