Dragon -V- (dragonvpm) wrote,
Dragon -V-

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The Butt Crack of Doom

I've been putting off posting for a while. It's just been one of those weekends. Lots of random fun stuff.

I'm also putting off figuring out what I'm going to do when battling the evil Tax Assessor Trolls tomorrow morning. Actually, I've already figured out a strategy, now I just need to find some data to back it up. Fortunately that information is online so I can sort it out shortly. I'll do that in a while. Right now though, an update.

So Friday, Dave and I decided to check out an early showing of Charlie's Angels:Full Throttle.... Ummmm.... Despite what most critics may say, this movie does indeed have a plot. Unfortunately this plot is pretty much designed to get us from one action sequence to the next and to give the title characters ample opportunity to do various cool martial arts things while wearing nicely flattering outfits. So, it's pretty much aimed squarely at the 14 year old boy demographic.

Needless to say, Dave and I enjoyed it, despite the fact that I actually had trouble following the plot. Not because it was complicated, but because even with a simple action movie plot, the filmmakers managed to not pay enough attention to it. It's probably an acceptable Saturday afternoon matinee type flick and I'd give it a 7 due entirely to the action sequences and the inherent cute-ness and attactiveness of the cast. I've seen music videos that made a better use of their plots.

Anyways, as we walked out of the theatre, we were starting our typical post-movie critique when I saw something truly astonishing. A rather large fellow was sitting on one of the benches in the theatre and he had 2 rather significant problems. Problem one was that his pants and underwear were a bit too low and problem two was that his shirt was way too high. These two problems combined to give us CRACK!

Not just any crack mind you, but a crack so monsterous that it made the Grand Canyon look like the Grand Gully. Next to this monstrosity, the Marianas Trench is more like the Marianas Ditch. Normally I have filters that make me oblivious to such scenes of horror, but I had the misfortune of looking in that direction while talking to Dave. He saw it a split sceond before I did and as he turned to grimace in my direction, I saw what it was he was grimacing about.

Believe it or not, I actually made a noise that sounded much like this and I accompanied it with the appropriate Homer-esque look of shock and horror. Needless to say, I got about half of the lobby laughing (coincidentally, it was the half that could actually see what had prompted my shriek). Normally I like to think that I'm cool, calm, and reasonably collected, but somehow I don't think they were actually laughing with me. Hell, after I did it, I was laughing at myself. So, to make a fitting exit, Dave and I proceeded to giggle madly and stagger towards the doors. I don't think we actually managed to stop laughing until we were driving away from the theatre.

Despite the slight embarassment at living out an actual Simpsons moment, at least I can be grateful for two things. One, people were not laughing at my exposed butt crack and two, I don't have an ass anywhere near that large or frightening. Seriously, this guy looked like he was oozing onto the bench and used up a good 3+ feet of it while sitting. He's the kind of person you don't want to be sitting next to in coach.... or first class for that matter.

After our exciting escape from The Attack of the Killer Butt Crack we headed back to my place to hang out a bit before going over to Best Buy and Circuit City to pick up a TV for Martin. I probably shouldn't have, but I ended up buying Molly's new CD-deck while there. I'd finally gotten back a rebate I was waiting for and that made the overall expense relatively tolerable. After that, we drove through a brief but quite enthusiastic thunderstorm which lasted exactly the amount of time that it took to drive from the store to Martin's apartment. One of the joys of living in the desert is that you occasionally get to deal with fast moving thunderstorms which produce things like small floods (the water is overflowing a curb that's about 9-12" high even though it only rained for about 20 minutes and this was taken about 30 minutes after the rain stopped).

Once we made it home and I dropped off the new toy, we swung over to Village Inn for our usual tea and conversation before Dave dropped me off at home and I did random computer geek stuff until later than I should have.

Saturday was relatively uneventful.

I got up (funny how most of my days start with that). Then I went to Sam's early (to run in during the early business hours) for some supplies. That took some time, but I managed to get home and to get Molly unloaded by around 9:30. At this point, I decided to put together a new MP3 CD in honor of Molly's new stereo. This took a long time. I finally finished though and got around to installing said stereo. That was an adventure. As I was finishing up, Dave showed up with brats and we proceeded to have a mini-ghetto cook out while listening to the new stereo. We talked about the usual stuff (girls, relationships, MP3 bitrates) and eventually headed to.... yup, you guessed it, Village Inn. Some interesting things to ramble about sometime when I'm feeling introspective.

Oh, speaking of being introspective, Dave made the exeuctive decision that I am not allowed to join the Bitter & Cranky About Relationships Club because I've actually gotten some during the calendar year. Or perhaps I'm allowed to join, but I can't whine about stuff until sometime next year. I'm not sure because as he was making this decision, he was also flipping me off and grumbling about something. Eh, either way, I think I'm ok with that (in this case, non-membership has it's rewards ;).

Anyways, time to go. It's a good thing my meeting with the Review Board is in the late AM. I'll do some research now, then put things together and make copies in the morning. Yeah. That sounds like a good idea.

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