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The Early Edition....

*yawn*

All right, I should have been in bed a couple of hours ago, but I got trapped in a long VI conversation with Dave and I just spent the last hour doing the comment thing. I'm just turning into quit the LJ-whore now.

Anyways,

Dave alluded to our fart conversation this evening and I figure what the hell. it was funny (although this might be a "you had to be there" situation... well either that or "too much information"... we'll have to see). Don't read the following if you have issues with fart humor or somewhat crass male behaviour. You've been warned....

All right here's the story. It won't be quite as funny read like this, but I don't feel like tracking you all down to go through all the gestures etc... For the record think about the facial expressions that Silent Bob would use and you'll get an idea of how this story went.

So, this afternoon, I had to go to city hall. No big deal, did the work thing and was heading out. Just as I left the building, I realized that I needed to fart. Thinking that it would be a silent (and hopefully non-deadly) one.... hold on...

At this point I should probably explain that I was halfway picturing a scene from a Woody Allen movie (can't remember which one) where you have the brain being run by some random cells (played by guys in white outfits and helmets) that pull levers and read gauges etc..... Well the cells in my brain were absolutely positive this was going to be a silent non-event. Back to the story.

I cut one in mid-stride.

It was loud.

It was extremely loud.

It put Harleys to shame.

Now if any of you are shocked that a guy would do this, all I can say is get a clue. Based on what I've heard from my male friends, cutting one outdoors in mid stride is nothing compared to what some of them have done.

As I said, it was somewhat louder and more resonant than expected. So much so in fact that I felt compelled to say the following:

"Wow! That was quite a bit louder than anticipated..."

I said that out loud. No one was around (fortunately). That (gestures to above line) was the first thing that came to mind? I said that out loud? WTF? I couldn't be normal and laugh or say something less wordy? I am a freak. I was analyzing (slight pun intended) the miscommunication between my ass and my brain. I was talking about it out loud. I was completely serious.

Did I mention how glad I am that no one was around? I checked. I didn't break stride through this all. I paused to check that I really did say that, but I verified that I had and I continued on my merry way only slightly aware of how bizarre that non-eventful event had turned out to be.

When I told Dave, he just about spewed. That's 3 times so far. Dave has a drinking problem. He needs to stop drinking when I start a story with "I was at city hall today and I had to fart"

I probably need psychiatric care. I'm somewhat amazed that I'm posting this. Hopefully I still have a few friends left once they've read this. I'm a strange strange boy.


That is all.


PS - Time Warner is full of shit. KTLA showed ONLY WB shows tonight. Yes, I MISSED Buffy!!! Fuck. I was kind of expecting that, but still. Fuck. I am not a happy camper. I did line up a friend to hook me up with the stuff (man, now I'm really sounding like a smack junkie... gotta get the Buffy fix), but I'll have to wait a couple of weeks to get a shipment from out East. So yeah. bah, humbug.

Comments

*smacks head*

I needed that.
Cool.

I hope you're feeling better in general.

Apparently I say all sorts of odd things after midnight so keep an eye out for future gems :)
Spew #4...diet pespsi on my monitor...on my ham sammich....on my desk....*sigh* on my shirt and pants

CRIPES!
And you had already heard the story so you should have been prepared as soon as I started in on it.... :-p

Re:

Yeah, but you know what I said last night...few things make me laugh like fart jokes/stories... it's the one part I don't think I'll ever mature out of, but I also think that it's a guy thing hehe...

Re:

Btw...I see keeping the "Fallout Shelter" icon came in handy already :oPP

LOL!!!!

HAHAHAHAAHAAA

THAT's what Dave was talking about....LOL!!!!

Re: LOL!!!!

I'm glad you liked it.

When Dave and I get to philosophizing and whatnot at VI things will range from deep and serious discussions about life all the way up to... errr down to things like that :)

Now if only he'd stop spitting out his drinks!