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Dragon's Rules....

I didn't get a chance to track down Dream today. The joys of pursuing someone during working hours. It gave me time to think though. I'm really not that clueless about the dating thing, I'm just utterly terrified of being rejected. I think I need some rules ("well it's not a rule as much as a guideline".... guess which movie :).

After spending the last few days angsting about this, I need a laugh. Here are some semi-serious rules....

Dragon's Unisex Rules (ok guidelines) for dating and other hazardous pursuits (Part 1)
editor's note: remember, I'm single right now so take these comments with a grain (or block) of salt... I won't be held accountable if you scare away your spouse after following these guidelines... then again no one has any restraining orders out against me so I'm not a total wacko

Rule #0: Don't be yourself.... at least not at full volume. Look, let's be honest here, only the most dull and uninteresting of people can "be themselves on a date". The cool people tend to be at least a little crazy That's good. Do you know all the lines from Star Wars (I know some folks who do)? Do you have a very in depth and well thought out theory(ies) about a TV show like X-files, Babylon 5, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (I do)? Would you say that you are obsessed with anything (yes)? Do you see where I'm going with this? It's one thing to be interesting and quirky, it's completely different to be a goofball in a Klingon costume.

Rule #1: Keep It Simple.... Age old advice that is particularly important here. If you ever find yourself using terms like "plausible deniability" or "collateral damage" or just generally planning your moves as if you were planning the invasion of Normandy, you've probably taken a wrong turn somewhere. Talking about a date or prospective date should not sound like you are being debriefed by the C.I.A.

Rule #2: Thou shalt not mock.... anyone. If you've ever made someone cry with your wit and snappy remarks, be sure to tone it down. Humour is great if you're on stage, but few people find it really endearing when you rip into the inept wait-person and reduce them to a quivering puddle of self-doubt and shame. Remember they're still making up their mind about you so you don't want them thinking "Mein Gott! What'll s/he do when I piss him/her off?" Making the other person wonder what kind of demon you become when you get upset is not really a good place to go on a date.

Rule #3: You don't know it all... no really, you don't know it all... To clarify (see I told you :), if you have an anecdote, story (or worse yet) a correction for every thing the other person says, kiss your chances of a repeat date good-bye. Few people actively want to date a dullard, but fewer still want to date someone who makes them feel like one.

Rule #4: You are not Evil Kineivel's son/daughter (although that would be a good title for a bad B-movie). Most cool people can appreciate a bad ass ride. They might even appreciate your obsession with yours. On a racetrack your racing prowess might make them go weak at the knees (I know I dig girls who can race), but that does not mean that they want to die (or think that they might die) in your car. The date should be fun, but under no circumstances should it resemble "Gone in 60 seconds", "Cannonball Run", "Smokey and the Bandit" etc...

Rule #5: Be excellent (blatantly lifted from "The Tao of Steve")... You've got over 100 non-sleeping hours a week to do something. If you can't show your date that you are really good at something, well you've got problems. This is not to say that you only focus on what you do really well. It just means that you show off a bit and move on.

Rule #6: Diplomacy, diplomacy, diplomacy.... For the purposes of dating, you are Switzerland. If you have any interest in a repeat date, you do no start fights and you do not make any really big moral stands. If you need to do either, this probably isn't the one.

All right. Angel is on and I'm bored. I'll add to this list later maybe.


Hehe, I'm glad someone has it all figured out.

but wait!

there's more :)

(just not right at this moment)
actually sounds pretty good to me :)
Thanks. I've got some good ones left, but I couldn't quite keep the cheerful/amusing tone going. The joys of having no attention span to speak of :)
Sounds like a good start :)
Ghostbusters!! one of my favorite movies to quote from. Actually my most used line is "Important safety tip, thanks Egon" when someone tells me not to do something dumb that might endanger life and limb.

on rule 4... um, yeah, but I still remember the first time I met Pixel (no, this was not a 'date' as such)- we drove up together to a western mass poly meeting and he scared the hell out of me with his driving. He has this habit of doing things like drifting straight at the median and then noticing and correcting at the last second, or weaving in and out of traffic, wheras I have no faith whatsoever in my ability to *consistantly* notice and correct last minute and so I tend to leave myself really big buffer zones (I drive like a mouse). I've since gotten used to the way he drives and we're still together (such as we are). Not saying this makes the rule not apply or anything...
Heh, I wonder how much of our personalities were formed by having Pete Venkmen (sp?) as the role model for cool scientist guy (back in the days when Hollywood geeks looked a lot like real geeks :)

Rule #4 is definitely a more of a guideline :). I was specifically thinking to a situation that a friend related to me where the boy she was seeing had just bought a Honda S2000 and proceeded to seriously scare her with his driving. The boy happened to be an amateur race car driver so he had an inflated opinion of how well he could drive (and his family was well off enough that tickets and insurance didn't really matter).

Factor in how flustered I get when I make some driving blunder when I have someone else in the car and it seemed like a good point to address. Bad driving is certainly not a deal breaker for most, but I've never heard anyone say they enjoyed being in a car with someone who was somewhat reckless or careless (or appeared to be).... Besides, I couldn't come up with dating rules and not have a few about cars! :)
Hrm. This probably explains why I never managed to "date" in the traditional sense. I can't do Rule #0, it goes against my personal moral code (something along the lines of true to oneself and abjectly honest about who you are), plus I never figured out how to do it. Also, I've found that I've had the most success (both dating/relationship and getting laid) when I was the most "in my element" and my self was cranked up to full. Hell, I'd be much more interested in all the things you mentioned than some more "mundane" version. Then again, I'm a gamer geek bi poly pagan chik which is probably not your target audience down there. I think you best bet in terms of dating is getting your ass up here where you can find nifty people instead of trying to be a mundane when you're just not.

good point

I know what you mean about Rule #0.... I'm not thrilled with its current phrasing, but I think that some version of it is still important. I've seen some very cool people fail miserably when approaching someone that they have an interest in because they were too caught up in being themselves and not interested enough in finding out about the other person and not paying attention to their interests. I was trying to address the cliche' of "Be Yourself" as opposed to just being yourself... does that make sense? Kind of a don't make a production out of it, just act naturally? Maybe that would be better, act naturally (not to be confused with acting normally ;)...

but - yeah, I'm not crazy about that rule (and even less now :). This started out as me going over some of my less than effective strategies on how to handle "dating"/"interacting with people I am attracted to" (1, 2, and 3 to some extent) and then progressed to things that friends had mentioned really hating about folks they were involved with (4 and 6).... then it just kind of kept going.

I think I have come to the same conclusion about dating. It's just not working out down here. I don't know how non-mundane I am, but I have noticed that there are some very cool people up north :). Perhaps I should shift my focus from plottng and scheming about people and really start plotting and scheming about moving (I'm a lot better at that anyways :).

I think I'll put up part 2 tonight while I'm not watching Buffy *grumble* *grumble*... yet another reason to move back to the good ol' northeast
I think that for me rule #0 mostly translates to "don't show your obsessiveness." Cute boys really do not need to know that I have looked up their website, downloaded pictures of them, gushed about them in my livejournal and on zephyr, angsted to all my friends about how I don't think they really like me, made *polls* about them in my livejournal, had masturbatory fantasies about them, and thought about writing them email multiple times a day (but resisted the temptation, sometimes due only to feeling like most of what I would have to say would be boring). If looked at the wrong way, this kind of behavior is *scary*, I don't want to scare cute people. And it's not like any of this is *dangerous* stalkerly behavior, and I tend to get over it once I get to know them better...
This was supposed to be amusing with tongue firmly in cheek (but with some amount of validity). That being said, several of your points go towards other rules that I haven't gotten around to wording correctly yet.

1. Huh? I'm not exactly sure what you meant to say with that one, but Rule #0 is currently being revised. As far as Rule #1 goes, well we've both had very long conversations examining someone else's motives and possible ulterior motives etc.. so I think it still works fine.

2. Well, yeah rule #2 is exactly mom's advice, but rule #3 is a bit more subtle. There's all sorts of things that can fall into this category. I think it makes more sense relative to geek crowds where some folks really do know damn near everything about some things (and they aren't afraid to let you know that they do). I'll elaborate more later, when I'm not falling asleep.

3. Evil Kineivel was not a "poor driver." He was a daredevil who took calculated risks. That doesn't mean that most folks would want to be in the car with him when he was in the middle of a stunt. There is a world of difference between being a crappy driver and being a reckless driver. Now a crappy, reckless driver is just really scary :)

4. That's not the point. The idea is to show that you can do something that has nothing to do with the other person very well. Since you saw the movie, you will remember that Dex's bit of excellence was his teaching/how he was with kids. He was really good at that and he did it for his own reasons, completely seperate from whoever he was pursuing. So - yeah. Listening is part of another rule. You can't count listening as what you are "excellent" at (unless you do that for a living like say a shrink). Again, giving balance to a conversation is important, but that's not what this rule covers. Remember being excellent is something you can show off but not dwell on. Whereas you should always be a good listener and conversationalist.

5. I don't think Rule #6 came across quite right. I'm revising this one too.
Once again, think comedy/humour. Honesty and politeness are fine and dandy, but that doesn't really point you in any sort of useful direction when figuring things out. That's like saying that the only thing you need to be a good driver is to be attentive and careful. Even if you don't agree with the rules/guidelines/random musings, you can stop and say "Well, no I would rather handle ____ like this"

Eh, it's probably not worth it to get into debating planning ahead vs dating by the seat of the pants (or, in your case, the crotch of the pants ;). Bottom line, we're both still single and we've both done our share of "not smart" things with people we've dated. Feel free to ignore this and any subsequent postings of rules/guidelines :-p