Dragon -V- (dragonvpm) wrote,
Dragon -V-

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Humor: New Englander in Hell

A New Englander dies and is sent to hell. He had been a horrible man throughout life and even the devil wanted to punish him, so he puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. "Love my kingdom!" laughs the devil.

After a couple of days the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as he looks at the New Englander happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"

The New Englander, smiling big, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in New England. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. Thisis fantastic!"

The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the New Englander's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the New Englander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The New Englander replies, "This is great! Just like April in New England. It reminds me of working out in the fields with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled.

Angry, and desperate to make hell really hell, he tries one last ditch effort. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the New Englander unhappy.

The devil checks in on the New Englander. He is aghast at what he sees. The New Englander is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.

"How can you be so happy? Don't you know it's 40 below zero!?" screams the devil.

Jumping up and down the New Englander throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over!! This means the Patriots won the Super Bowl!!!!

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